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Seeking Asylum

bad moviesMST3K

I love bad movies.

I mean, really bad movies. Movies that melt the brain and corrupt the soul. You may recall my post a little while ago about “The Apple”, which is my ideal idea of a “musical” (and yes, I feel I must use quotes here, so as not to defame the good name of real musicals everywhere).

That said, I guess it’s not a huge secret that I’m secretly (ok, not that secretly) in love with the films made by The Asylum.  For those of you who’ve never accidentally run into and/or against one of the films by Asylum, let me give you a basic rundown of how they work… 

  1. 1 – Major motion picture studio announces that they are going to release __________, a soon-to-be blockbuster feature.
  2. 2 – Asylum takes the title, trailer, and any rudimentary information they can gleam from the feature’s premise, and crafts a movie of their own at a fraction of the cost and at twice the speed.
  3. 3 – They release said movie under a suspiciously similar title, either in time with the original feature’s theatrical or DVD release in the hope that people will somehow accidentally confuse their feature with the real deal.
  4. 4 - …
  5. 5 - Profit!

Ok, that’s a cheap shot.  No, it’s not.  The interwebs have actually created a word to describe Asylum’s films – a Mockbuster.  Asylum is one of the primary providers of SciFi (soon to be SyFy) Channel’s infamous Saturday Night film lineup.  They’ve made such features as Allan Quatermain and the Temple of Skulls, Transmorphers (not a typo, I assure you), and Snakes on a Train.

They’re also not above blatantly ripping off other genres, too… even if their movie selections do sometimes delve into the oddly disturbing and esoteric (Sunday School Musical, anyone?) to the severely impractical (a feature film… based on the 9/11 Commission Report) and just plain wrong.

So now that you’ve seen the raw material fueling this idea… here’s what I’d like to do.  I want to riff on these movies, MST3K style, full on, robot puppets and all.  And of course, in the robot puppet coating, everything would be “slightly off”, itself a pastiche of the bad job they do of reproducing the films they glomp on to and try and suck the creative juices from.

I already have one of the bots built… I just don’t quite know how to make this dream a reality.  It’s a pitty, really, because I totally think it would be excellent.  Any thoughts or ideas?

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